


Midnight Ramblings

by diblums



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-27 01:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15013922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diblums/pseuds/diblums
Summary: Just something that fell out of my head yesterday as I was coping with some pain.





	Midnight Ramblings

There is something too big inside of me. Something bigger than this body was meant to hold.

I feel everything. Everything.

My empathy is overdeveloped and I take on the collective energy of everyone around me.

And as these feelings overload my brain, I walk around in a loud world.

Auditory-tactile synesthesia means that everything I hear, I feel. Along with everything I feel too. And I feel so much pain from Fibromyalgia and nerve damage already.

All far beyond what my brain can keep up with. So I fall behind. I get overwhelmed.

When I’m still trying to understand a situation, others see me as selfish and unempathetic as events unfold.

The truth is I’m still coping with pain in real time, in a world where my nerves scream nonstop all day.

They think I’m a narcissist and I don’t care for anyone else.

But I just need a little time to get through the floods of pain in my nerves all day. I care so much about everyone’s well-being.

When I’m hurting, it’s because everyone is hurting. I feel all this pain all the time. 

But I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. My emotional regulation skills are getting better, I’m learning to process emotional pain so it passes quicker.

So I think I have a soul of a very large creature, or a very old creature. Something meant to feel more deeply on every level.

My human body can’t live with the overwhelming exchange of energy from the soul to the nerves, and the soul feels too strongly for this body to take.

So my human body is forced to cope with pain at a constant high, and my desperate thrashings to relieve that pain hurt the ones I love.

Were this soul in the creature it was meant to inhabit, their body could handle this intense level of empathy. It would be natural to feel so much.  


For now, I’ll just have to struggle with being human.


End file.
